oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
