watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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