If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize