is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
