There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
