Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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