let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
