Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
