are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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