can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
