Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize