evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I didn't notice because vodka
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
