im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
