i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
