I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
