he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
