meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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