WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
