Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
