i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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