There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
