He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
