we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
