He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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