Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
