You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
