Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
