i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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