I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
