Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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