If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
