i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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