apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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