She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize