Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
