mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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