just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize