I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
