I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I will pee on everything he values.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
pray to the hookup gods
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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