my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
