thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
