Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
