Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
