I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
