all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
