quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
