I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
