How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
