sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
