And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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