awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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