I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize