What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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