I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize