Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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