I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
