...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
