return my video game
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
