Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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