If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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