There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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