so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
