I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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