i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
