His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
