I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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