The best revenge is premature balding
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
