you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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