lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
