Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
