the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
