lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
