just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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