Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
